Relationships That Work: "The Recipe for a Marriage That Works"
Ephesians 5:22–33 – “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Ephesians 5:32 – “This mystery [the union of marriage] is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Hebrews 13:4 – “Let marriage be held in honor among all...”
I. Praying Singles
1 Corinthians 7:7 – “I wish that all were as I myself am [single]. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”
Genesis 2:18 – “Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'”
James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
II. Holy Submissive Wives (Ephesians 5:22, 33)
Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Colossians 3:18 – “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
1 Peter 3:1 – “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,”
Ephesians 5:21 – “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
1 Corinthians 15:28 – “When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all.”
1 Corinthians 11:3–12 – “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.”
III. Sacrificial loving Husbands (Ephesians 5:23-33)
Colossians 3:19 – “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” …self-initiated…self-sacrificial…is yours for your wife?
Ephesians 5:31 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.””
1. Be a Spiritual leader (Ephesians 5:23-27)
Ephesians 5:23-27 – “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
2. Give her personal affirmation/appreciation
Proverbs 31:28-29 – “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’”
Song of Solomon 4:1-7 – “Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
Song of Solomon 6:4-9 – “You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners. Turn away your eyes from me, for they overwhelm me— Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of ewes that have come up from the washing; all of them bear twins; not one among them has lost its young. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. There are sixty queens and eighty concubines, and virgins without number. My dove, my perfect one, is the only one, the only one of her mother, pure to her who bore her. The young women saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.”
Song of Solomon 7:1-9 – “How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses. How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth.”
3. Show personal affection (romance)
Song of Solomon 6:10 – “Who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners?””
Song of Solomon 6:13 – “Return, return, O Shulammite, return, return, that we may look upon you. Why should you look upon the Shulammite, as upon a dance before two armies?”
Ephesians 5:28-29 – “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,”
Ephesians 5:33 – “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
4. Initiate intimate conversation
Song of Solomon 2:8-14 – “The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”
Song of Solomon 8:13-14 – “O you who dwell in the gardens, with companions listening for your voice; let me hear it. Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices.”
1 Peter 3:7 – “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
5. Always be honest and open
Ephesians 4:15 – “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,”
Proverbs 15:22-23 – “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!”
6. Provide home support and stability
1 Timothy 5:8 – “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
7. Demonstrate family commitment
Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Colossians 3:19 – “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Proverbs 14:26 – “In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.”
Three Closing Questions:
Singles - Are you praying to become the man/woman that is marry-able?
Wives - Are you blessing your husband with the gift of submission and respect as an act of worship?
Husbands - Does your wife feel fed and loved by you?
Do you think that after Jesus your wife would say she has the first place in your heart?
Because your wife is married to you, does that help or hurt their relationship with Christ?
Questions for your marriage:
Men, here are a few questions to ask yourself:
Is your wife moving toward health and wholeness?
Does she have a support system?
Has she been consistently doing things that give her life?
Does she have margin (or is she making space) to commune with God in a way that resonates with her?
Soul care questions to ask your wife:
What has caused you unrest lately?
What has brought you joy?
What can you delegate?
What would you change about our lives right now?